Go Ask Your Mother AKA The Batmommy
by Meicdon13
Summary: Superman tells Superboy to ask Batman for help instead of asking him. Superboy follows his advice. Batman is surprisingly accommodative.


**Fandom/Continuity: **_Young Justice_ the animated series  
**Pairings/Characters: **Bruce Wayne/Batman, Richard Grayson/Robin, Superboy, Clark Kent/Superman, Alfred Pennyworth, Rā's al Ghūl  
**Warnings: **None  
**A/N: **This all started when I realized that the Batman in _Young Justice _is not the usual aloof Batbitch that I've gotten used to. In fact, he seems like he actually cares about what happens to Superboy (or at least it looks that way to me). That led to me thinking about this epic cracky plot involving mpreg and alien physiology. That plot has yet to be properly fleshed out, so I ended up with this instead. And this was supposed to be funnier.

Set after episode 05 of the series. At this point in time, I have only watched up to episode 06 of the series. Beginning dialogue for the _Job Description _extra came directly from episode 05. _Job Description _was written because, seriously, if you overhear the first part of Clark and Bruce's conversation and Bruce were a woman, it would totally sound like Clark knocked her up and she were after child support.  
**Beta: samsarapine **(SPAG), **themomentstealer **(characterizations, canon). I was the last person to touch this so any remaining mistakes are mine.

* * *

**Go Ask Your Mother A.K.A. The Batmommy**

"You want me to help you with your powers?" Batman looks at Superboy, notes how his eyes are averted and how he's slouched. He looks like the perfect example of a disgruntled teenager. The effect is ruined by the fact that Batman knows that Superboy's only sixteen weeks old.

A stiff nod.

"It's Black Canary's job to train you," Batman says. He doesn't say it to be mean and he frowns at the brief flash of hurt that flickers across Superboy's face.

Superboy shrugs. "Superman said you could help me out, too."

Batman thinks back to the incident a few days ago, to the awkward meeting between Superman and Superboy on the bridge. He weighs the pros and cons of having one-on-one training sessions with Superboy so he can properly assess the boy's threat level, remembers what he told Clark at the diner. Bruce knows all about needing a father (and a mother) and he decides that, really, it couldn't hurt to include Superboy in this weekend's training with Dick.

* * *

Superman knows Superboy's been spending the past few weekends at the Batcave. He knows that Bruce has taken it upon himself to find out exactly what the limits are to Superboy's powers. When Superman asks his friend why Black Canary isn't the one doing the testing, Batman says, "She doesn't have the equipment. I do." Because Batman told him, he knows that Superboy can't fly, knows that he doesn't have heat vision or freeze breath.

There's something inside him that feels guilty that he's not doing anything to help. While Batman is the World's Greatest Detective, there are some things that Superman is just better suited to teach. Like flying. It took Superman forever to be able to do it properly, and he discovered that ability by accident.

He ignores the gnawing guilt, tries to soothe his conscience by telling himself that he'd just remind Superboy of what he's not, remind him of his origins and his time in Cadmus.

It's not a very good excuse and Superman knows it.

* * *

Dick likes the fact that Batman's been letting Superboy hang out at the manor. Superboy still has to go back to Mount Justice before morning and he can't stay the whole day or leave the cave, but it's a good distraction from brooding about Superman. And aside from Clark himself, Dick couldn't think of anyone who could teach Superboy about his powers except for Bruce. Maybe Wonder Woman, but she usually hangs out on Paradise Island and they have strict No Men Allowed rules.

Robin looks up at where Superboy's standing on the nose of the model T-Rex and grins. "Just jump off already!" he yells. They're in the cave again and they've been trying to get Superboy to fly. It's one of the last things that Batman wants to work on and so far, there hasn't been any progress.

Superboy looks unsure but Batman's eyes narrow behind the cowl. It isn't obvious because of the lenses but he looks squintier and scarier. "I'm waiting."

When Superboy lands, he adds another crater to the five already on the floor. He looks frustrated and when Batman opens his mouth to tell him to go again, Dick steps between the two of them. "Maybe we can take a break?" he asks. "I promised Supes I'd show him around the cave."

There's the slightest pause before Bruce messes up his hair and makes his way to the computer banks.

* * *

Batman looks at the rows of data that scroll across the screen of the computer, numbers and words and codes that show the results of a month of tests and simulations. The data coincides with the data Dick had gotten from Cadmus when they'd broken in. Bruce resists the urge to rub his eyes and instead swivels his chair around to look at Robin and Superboy.

The two teenagers are sitting at a table near the medical bay. Alfred's giving them sandwiches and what looks like iced tea. Dick chatters away at the butler a mile a minute. Superboy accepts his snack, mumbles, "Thanks," and completely misses the look Alfred gives him. It's the same look he sometimes gives Dick when the boy does something especially endearing. Batman is completely sure that given a chance, Alfred would be giving Superman a piece of his mind. Via thinly-veiled sardonic comments and snarky observations.

* * *

Superboy is in the middle of trying to come up with ways to thank Batman for all the time he's spent helping him out, when Robin walks into the room. Superboy usually wouldn't ask, but he's desperate and Robin _is _Batman's sidekick. Though the older man often treated him like a partner. Or a son. Superboy frowns then scowls when he realizes he's frowning. He tells himself it's not the time to be jealous and asks Robin for his opinion.

He immediately regrets his decision when a grin appears on Robin's face. It's the grin that he gets on his face when some villain's about to get their butt kicked in a major way, and Superboy's not happy that it's currently directed at him.

"Dude. Do you _like_ Batman?"

Superboy scowls some more and wishes he had heat vision. "Where did that come from?" he snaps.

"S'nothing. It's just … you kinda follow him around like a puppy when we're in the cave."

"I do not!"

Robin's grin grows bigger and Superboy takes it as the bad omen that it is. "Yeah, you do." To make his point clearer—or to aggravate Superboy even more—Robin makes walking motions with his fingers. "You walk around behind him, waiting for the next test. And now you want to give him something!"

Superboy finds out that he actually _does_ have heat vision.

* * *

Rā's al Ghūl is sitting on the floor of the cave, a large red ribbon tied around him, ending in a bow on top of his head.

Bruce stops mid-stride at the sight. Dick walks right into him and he reaches around automatically to steady him. "What's with the traffic?" Dick says. Then he catches sight of Rā's. "_Oh_."

There's a wealth of information in that one syllable. Bruce looks down at his ward and frowns. "What do you know about this?"

Robin laughs nervously. "Well, Supes was trying to think of how to thank you for all the help. Aaand I kinda mentioned how much trouble we were having catching Rā's …" he trails off.

It's only then that Batman spots Superboy standing behind Rā's al Ghūl. His hands are stuffed inside his pockets and he looks like he's expecting Batman to start shouting at him at any second.

To be honest, Bruce _does _want to tell him off. There are a lot of reasons why he hasn't swooped in to catch Rā's al Ghūl yet. And now Superboy's ruined his plans. He opens his mouth to say, "You just ruined two months of prep," and surprises himself by asking, "Why is there a ribbon on his head?" instead.

Superboy attempts to not shuffle awkwardly and fails. "Gifts have ribbons on them," he shrugs.

"In case you people have not noticed, I am not unconscious," Rā's al Ghūl says coldly. "Kindly refrain from talking about me as if I were incapable of hearing you. And would somebody remove this atrocity on my head?"

Dick starts laughing. Bruce congratulates himself on having the self-control not to do the same.

* * *

"Thanks, Alfred." Clark takes a bowl of ice cream from the tray and smiles.

Alfred nods politely in acknowledgment, but doesn't say anything. He sends a pointed look in Superboy's direction and Clark is hard pressed not to squirm like a guilty schoolboy. Beside him, Batman tries (and fails) to keep his amusement hidden. Alfred leaves with his silver tray.

"The results of the material analysis should be done in an hour," Bruce says, eating from his own bowl.

"Maybe I can finally catch a break in this case, then," Superman sighs. His eyes are drawn back to where Dick is announcing loudly that he cannot believe that Superboy has yet to taste ice cream. He watches Superboy frown as Dick attempts to shove a spoonful of mocha ice cream into his mouth.

"You know, he still can't fly."

There's a pause as Clark thinks about growing up feeling alone even when you're surrounded by people, just because you knew you were different. He thinks about when he first realized that he had powers, remembers how he wished that he had someone to show him the ropes.

"I—If my hunch about the material pans out, I should be free tomorrow afternoon," Superman says. "Maybe I could help out with the flying."

If Clark hadn't known Bruce for so long, he would have missed the infinitesimal smile that appeared on the other man's face.

_extras_

**Snuggle **– in which Superboy needs a hug and Robin gets jealous

Superboy: *whoosh*

Batman: What the—why're you here?

Superboy: :(

Batman: *sigh* Again?

Superboy: *nodnod* :(

Batman: *holds arms open* C'mere, then.

Superboy: *HUGS*

Robin: HEY. I want a hug too! *tackles* Group hug, yay! 8D

Superboy: … *blush*

Batman: FML

**Job Description** – in which Bruce attempts to get Clark to fulfill his duties

Bruce: Sorry, Clark, but you're dead wrong. Look, I know he troubles you. But he's here. You have to get over the how and why. Trust me on this. This boy needs his father.

Clark: I'm not his father!

Bruce: *sigh* Yes, you are. And if you're not going to be directly involved with us, then so be it. But I'll have you know that I expect child support :|

Clark: wat

Bruce: You heard me. Every month.

Clark: You don't need my money or help to raise him wtf

Bruce: Monthly. Child support. End of discussion.

Clark: ಠ_ಠ


End file.
